I am Alive

Wow. I can't believe how quickly one week can go by. One week ago today, Jared and I walked 3 miles from Pier 39 to our Hotel on Market Street and today I can barely walk to the bathroom from a recliner in my bedroom. It has been a week!


It was so hard to imagine what it would be like in the recovery of this process. When the doctors said you will be tired, congested and have a headache, yet show no visible signs of a surgery, I could not understand what this would be like. You have to experience it to understand. I must have had some good drugs that wore off over the weekend, as the pain sunk in and my body was weaker. The nurse at the hospital tried to give me Vicodin all night and day before I went home and I told her that I did not need it. I have major issues with how medicine effects me, not to mention the horrid constipation that goes with these drugs. I truly did not feel I needed it. I assured her that when I got home, I would use the drugs if I needed them. It must have been God that carried me through the ride home and the first night.



Friday I was in a lot of pain and so half way through the day I began to experiment with the Vicodin. Nothing seemed to work. Long story short and two emergency room stays later, I believe the Vicodin made me sick as a dog. Saturday morning I had to call me surgeon who suggested I visit the emergency room and have my sodium checked. Can you imagine the worst sinus headache of your life and barfing your guts out over and over again and then having to somehow make it to the hospital? I was there for 4 hours and after they hydrated me and gave me something for nausea, I went home. My surgeon wanted me to get my sodium checked again on Sunday, and thankfully I was not nauseous. I do have to say that walking to the bathroom made my heart race like I had just ran 6 flights of stairs. I am not exaggerating. I could go on and on and tell you what it was like laying there hearing all the other chaos in the emergency room and all I wanted to do was die, but the trauma is still too fresh in my mind.



So, Monday was a brand new day and I had significantly less pain. I have continued to try to manage it with Tylenol around the clock, as I am too fearful of any other medication. I have not been out of my room since my emergency room visits. I live in the room and just do nothing. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. Jared has to pull the lever on the lazy boy when I need to get up and use the bathroom. I am sensitive to sensory stimulation. I have increased my capacity to watch t.v.. Noise and lights bother me and it hurts me to read. Bummer, I thought I was going to get a lot of reading done.

This has been a little hard on Jared, but after the weekend ordeal, I think he is now feeling pretty comfortable. Today he even took the kids to the gym with him and left me alone. I did not feel comfortable alone until today. He has quite a routine down with the kids that is impressive and on top of taking care of my every need, he is playing with the kids like their favorite babysitter. He has gotten so good that he anticipates my needs now and will have everything ready for me at the right time. He is still a man and the nurturing piece could use a little help. Last night I took my first shower and he stood guard. He was completely annoyed that I wanted to put lotion and my face stuff on after my shower. He also would not shave my legs for me, so I think my mom is going to come over tomorrow and attempt this. I am sure the next shower will be better and I haven't broken the news to him that I need one daily!

Well, I am thrilled that I figured out how to connect my computer wireless and can now be reconnected to the world in some way. The diabetes piece should resolve itself and it is something I look for on a daily basis before I take my artificial hormone at night. I hope it is not just wishful thinking, but I have only gone pee two times today and do not have an overwhelming thirst. If this continues tonight, then I will not take my hormone and wait and see what happens. This is the only way to know if my body has started to produce the hormone on it's own.

What really helps me is to know how Carolina is doing. She is post-op 2 weeks today and she made breakfast for the first time and has been out of her house. She says that the struggle at her stage is to not over due it as her energy has significantly increased. I can't wait! Thanks for your prayers and I will keep you posted.